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Interview With A Vampire Penguin It opened its beak to speak, and from its mouth fell a set of fake plastic vampire fangs. Both their eyes followed the gag toy down to the ground, where it fell with gentle thud. The moment was frozen in time. The penguin looked from the plastic teeth to the interviewer. Their eyes locked. The penguin threw up its left flipper in a sudden, jerky gesture. The interviewer took a step back, startled. "Look, over there!" shouted the penguin, in a hoarse, duck-like voice, pointing over the interviewer's shoulder. The interviwer's eyes stayed on the penguin. He wasn't going to take his eyes off this penguin for a heartbeat. Undaunted, the penguin, with great difficulty, leaned forward and, with both flippers, managed to pick up the fake plastic teeth and shove them back into it's beak. The penguin again opened its beak to speak, and again the fangs fell out. With a gesture some would think impossible for penguins to perform, the penguin quickly kicked the teeth under the nearest sofa. "So, you want me to tell you the story of my life?" asked the penguin in that same, hoarse, duck-like voice. "No-" began the interviewer. "We cannot begin this way..." interupted the penguin. "Let me turn on the light." The penguin waddled awkwardly to the light switch and after three attempts successfully managed to leap high enough to switch on the room's solitary light. The interviewer, already bothered by the glaring sunlight outside, put on his sunglasses to shade his eyes. The penguin waddled back to the table and then attempted to sit. It rolled off the chair and after two subsequent attempts, gave up on the endeavor. All this time, the interviewer watched in utter disbelief. "I'm sure you're wondering how I did that," spoke the penguin after a prolonged silence. "Uuhhhh...." "A Series of simple gestures. Only I move too fast for you to see. I'm flesh and blood, but not human. I haven't been human for over 2 years." "But you're a penguin!" exclaimed the interviewer, exhasperated. "Exactly! A Vampire Penguin!" The interviewer was quickly beginning to regret his decision. He should have known better than to follow a strange penguin into this abandoned appartment. He'd heard about this "Mad Penguin Disease" but he never thought he'd encounter a mad penguin himself. He'd been warned. He'd ignored the warnings. |